2022 Happy To Be Here

The closer that winter comes, the more I feel I am losing my fight with depression.  The medication does not seem to be helping anymore.  As the holiday season gets closer, I remind myself of the reasons that I write this blog. The obvious one is to have a way to let others know about my day. The big one is to force myself into finding things to be happy for. Today, one of those happy things is that Keziah and I had a long talk about some things that I need to do to help with the depression. Follow-through will be hard. Baby steps today that are my happy things include: Paying bills that I had forgotten. I think I'm caught up now, phew. I took some time and found some things to get rid of. One box was ready to go but for some reason is still hanging around. That and two books that I don't want to hang onto. These things still need to get out of the house, but they are out of my room. There was also some random trash and recycling that went away. Another happy thing is...

Written before 9:30 AM… This morning I was thinking about a class I want to sign up for and considered the anxiety I am having about signing up for said class. I've decided that the best word that encompasses all the feels around this is neurosis. There may be better, but it is the word that I have right now. Then, to ignore the anxiety and depression surrounding me I avoided signing up for the class by looking at Facebook. I hadn't made the time over the weekend to be on there much so it was easy to fall into. In my Facebook memories were some quotes that I found back in 2011. The following is my choice again for today as it seems fitting: Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. Richard Bach The class I want to sign up for is ceramics/wheel throwing not molecular science or something that is career essential, why can't I just step out of my comfort zone and do this? Written after 4 PM… Shortly after writi...

The brain is such a wondrous thing.  Before drifting off to sleep after Minecraft last night I started working on today's Wordle.  The first guess I made I learned two letters, one that was in the right place.  The next word I got another letter, but not where it belonged.  In my head I tried a few combinations but came up with nothing and decided that I really should be sleeping.  In the morning I would find paper and pencil and start looking for clues that way.  Only in the morning, after sleeping on it, I opened the game and just saw the word.  I feel like while I slept my brain figured out the puzzle for me.  Wordle solved in three tries.  Other happy things for today: Before going on meds, my brain would suggest that I dress nice or do my hair a certain way to try to give myself the appearance of being happy or pretty or normal.  That maybe by showing that as my outward appearance I would be that way.  Today I felt closer to h...

 It was 2016 when I first tried to blog every day about something I was happy for.  If my tired mind is mathing correctly, that makes this the seventh year.  The reason I started was an attempt at reducing my depression.  It hasn't been a cure.  Getting my step count in every day for the last sixteen-ish months, and thus more exercise, also hasn't been a cure.  That said, the last... almost two years... have been rough on the world during the pandemic.  In the past I have tried a few anti-depression medications and not had success.  There have been weird side-effects including deepening the depression.  Then I don't want to try any new meds for a few years.  It was time to try again though.  The doctor prescribed a different medication and yesterday I took the first dose.   Today I couldn't find the charger for my FitBit.  Instead of tearing through my room leaving nothing but destruction in my path, I went through th...